人怕出名，豬怕莊？？

the proverb is very apt indeed
how does it feels like to be famous for a reason that u think is worthy by most people?
well, up until a few hours ago, i think it was ok
if i tell u that i am not pleased about the extra attention that people shower me
then i am lying
and it is not in my nature that i lie
and that's exactly the reason why i got attacked by so many people
people that i dont even know
and how does it feels like to be misunderstood by others?
everything but pleasant
i was asked to give a talk to my juniors about STPM
i was hestitant to go
coz all my friends are not going
but if i didnt go
it would be disrespect to my teachers
and so
i did go for the talk
now i regretted my decision
if i havent went in the fist place
none of this would've happened!

today, my sister asked me a question
"hey, u must answer me a question VEry honestly"
she stressed the words VERY HONEST
"ok"
"are u a very arrogant person??"
though i did not show my surprise to her and gave her a firm NO as an answer
i was reminded of a conversation i had with a friend just a few days ago
"hey. the juniors think u are cocky la"
"??"
"the talk u gave them??"
"oh, THAT"
i dismissed that as a normal reaction strangers give me la
coz i am usually BOLD
i never thought this would get back to my eleven year old sis
u see, there's a teacher in school that has a daughter whose my sister's best friend
this teacher told her daughter and
her daughter asked my sister
another girl in my sister's class said
she has a brother that asked me a question before
and said
i asked him to call me BIG sis before i teach him the question
whoever u are, i Told everyone the same
i was trying to be funny
hello..
FUNNY???JOKE?FOOLING AROUND?
i told that to EVRYONE that asked me questions
du-oh
if u think i am so full of myself judging from a one line conversation
then clearly
form 6 isnt really as good as i thought it were
and if u go around everywhere mentioning THAT to everyone u know
fine, it's ur mouth and u have every right to say everything that u like
or think is true
i am just disappointed why someone that i spoke for less than 5 mins
would think that by telling her 11 year old sister about that will make somehow
get back to me
well, congratulations coz u just did a great job
and to the teacher, why are u telling this to ur daughter??
i dont get that part
children are impressive and whatever they hear
will enter their mind
just like that
that shows a lot of ur personality
DO u think it's my choice that i get to be selected as one the top scorers?
and if i am just some one that did badly in his/her exam u'll say the same thing?

i have always tell people the truth
sometimes when i think they might get upset about the truth
i just keep my mouth shut
but most of the time
i blurted out everything before i can stop myself
and up till now
i have never really thank my friends for putting up with my ego
since a roomful of people think that i am big-headed because of my results
i have always been like that
maybe i should change??
tell people things that they like to hear???


i am just being me
sorry if that offended u
or if u cannot take my weird sense of humour
so be it
yeah well
if u ask me to choose
whether i want to just be a normal student
or get that award
thinking that by avoiding all this fame thing
i'll remain anonymous
and a few hundred bucks richer(everyone is making me treat them)
and not be the subject of animosity
advertistment is a big nono
luckily i didnt sign that agreement
phew
but
the award definiterly give some recognition to me
i never say i deserve it
coz
i really think so
not becoz i want u to think that i am smart enough to do something that u cant do
trying to be modest
mana tahu get opposite effect
shouldnt have went back to school
so many probs arise
all becoz i wanted to help my juniors
u think i am very free izzit?
not feeling grateful is ok
but please do check first
i really dont do exercises
and study a week before exam
so what if i can finish my syllabus in time
like i said
different ppl have diff ways of preparing for exams
u asked me how i did
and that's what u got
if i knew by telling u the truth i'll get criticising
should have told u what u want to hear
not answer the damn question
and i was born on the same year as most of them
i am not popular among my peers:(
they say there's no such thing as bad publicity
why do i feel like this is the worst one??
maybe i'm just beoing oversensitive
or over reacting ir maybe i just wanna get MOre famous
du-oh
i am no saint
so i cant please everyone, can i????